Visual Argument

My visual argument depicts that people should not get married if they are planning on coasting through a life long full of happiness because there are always challenges and struggles on the way to happiness. People over look marriage and think it is a time of love and pure cherishing but one has to look past that and realize in order to get there that situations will arise. But these conflicts within the relationship will only strengthen the bond between the couple and make living all the more worth while.

When at First You Don't Succeed, Try Again?

Sometimes parents stay together just for the pure benefit of their children. Coming from that type of parenting for awhile I have a strong opinion on this subject. Why should parents stay together just for children? Is it truly allowing them to foster a better perspective and live a better life or deteriorating it piece by piece? There are exceptions for certain situations, which is evident if there is already an ongoing issue within the family; for example death, sickness, a celebration. Although a marriage should be a commitment based off love and lifelong trust and values that are kept to one another. It seems as if that is non-existent in today’s society.  Parents should not keep one another close for the security of a child, or to give one the “American family.” This is building a false reality within the household that will fester and create emotional issues and conflicts for the child. These problems will only proceed to taint the child’s perspective within society.

 According to Eric Erikson, this is because childhood and society have a direct link to one another.  He states in childhood issues and conflicts are closely knitted to society and are shown through actions and relationships. These changes that society establishes are evident in everyday life and the mindset of humans that have been through inter-conflict. This conflict, I think, is within everyone.

Children under the age of eighteen look up to their parents. Usually, they learn the nature of their parent’s marriage and relate it to other things. They may absorb from parents what love is, or what love isn’t. Many children may judge general concepts and apply them in everyday situations. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, humans need to possess the fundamental needs: physiological, safety, to be loved or belong, esteem, and self-actualization. I believe that children whose parents are together but waiting to get divorced are not providing the necessary needs to their kids. This is holding up the child’s potential to strive for their dreams since they are preoccupied with whether their parents are alright and truly love each other. 

Soooo... why should parents stay together and live a false life? Provide their children with a family that is constructed out of a front? That's what I thought, they shouldn't.

SOURCE: Wallerstein, Judith and Lewis, Julia. “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce Report of a 25-Year Study.” Academic Search Premier. Psychoanalytic Psychology 2004, Vol. 21, No. 3. Belvedere, California. 353–370. Educational Publishing Foundation. Web. 19 November 2011.

Make A Change

Americans are aiming to make marriage more permanent and divorces harder.  By discussing the problems and uncomfortable situations throughout the relationship, divorces can be avoided by not having hidden problems to address. Although, I think that these problems couples have should be address at that moment of the issue to avoid future conflicts. Marriage is something two people should cherish and enjoy at one another’s side, and should not end in a dreaded divorce. In today’s society, divorce is winning the race against marriage due to miscommunication, sacrifice of values, materialism and ignorance of one’s background. This ultimately establishes that individuals should fully get to know each other before getting hitched. Why should we, the land of opportunity, be the nation with a 50% divorce rate? We have the opportunity to decrease this rate and make marriages last longer for the benefit of humanity. Why not start now?

Don't Sacrifice Values

While a marriage is a partnership, religion is a factor that some couples overlook to converse. Many individuals “give up,” or accommodate his or her religion for the sake of marriage. A couple should agree to disagree on specific values or roles in order to live a less stressful life. Sacrificing one’s own beliefs for the sake of another will not only catch up to one, but it will only make things more complicated if a family comes into play. Some couples don’t even think about religion as a factor when they consider getting married. They either disregard it or focus their relationship around the religion, which I believe a marriage should revolve around a religion but a family.

When a family comes into play a marriage should not be for the “sake of the children.” In today’s society many un-married couples live together and have children and plan to get married later due to financial issues. According to Pew Research Center, 41% of babies were born to unmarried mothers in 2008. This is a cause of miscommunication between the two individuals since they did not plan to have a child without being married, or chose not to get married

A handful of respondents to a Pew poll say children are an important reason to getting married, but I disagree. I disagree with this perspective because, as research shows, children that have unmarried parents, or parents that stay together for the “sake of the children,” are more prone to depression, trust issues and attachment issues.

Get to Know Your Loved One

To avoid fallacies, the institution of marriage should not take place because of economic necessities by women, but as a co-existing partnership. Prior to marriages, each individual should take a step back and learn about one’s partner. Many couples go blind into marriage and find that they disagree on many subjects. Family therapists suggest that engaged couples take multiple pre-marital counseling sessions in order to learn how each other want to live their lives. In these sessions, deep conversations take place in which couples learn the ups and downs to their relationship, including the well-known trait of jealousy. Frank Furstenberg Jr., sociology professor at University of Pennsylvania who has been studying divorce for 20 years and co- author of Divided Families, suggests that couples identify a “marriage contract,” in which they negotiate exactly what they want for themselves and their children throughout their lifetime.

Finances, communications, and family planning should be discussed in pre-marital counseling within the Catholic Church to prevent “bad” marriages, according to Michael McManus, the author of Marriage Savers and national leader of adopting pre-marital procedures. I agree that Furstenberg has a point in emphasizing the responsibilities and roles each individual must take in the relationship since it will help solve future issues. Communication is the key to success in any matter and in marriages it is a necessity. I acknowledge that there should be procedures and measures taken before marriage, but society needs to comprehend that marriage isn’t solely about love and the commitment of two individuals for the sake of a family, but it’s a partnership in which the couple knows the in and outs of their partner.

Climbing Divorce Rate

As we all know marriage institutions are under fire and divorces are becoming a social norm, unlike in previous decades when one would be looked down upon after a divorce, because it would mean one failed at keeping one’s family together. According to the U.S. Census Bureau in 2009, for every 4,496,000 people that got married, 2,119,000 got divorced. This means the divorce rate was estimated to be about 47%. Today, the divorce rate for the United States is 50% and climbing. In New Jersey, the divorce rate is 52%.

What is the cause of this increase over the years? The number of divorces has more than tripled in the past three decades. Since women have entered the work-force in the 1970’s, there has been a rebellious increase in women’s confidence, independence and capability to make their own decisions. Marriages usually end in divorce due to not getting to know the other person well enough to learn their habits and ups and downs. Sometimes marriages aren’t successful and end in divorce due to valid reasons. These reasons include the following: domestic violence, child abuse, and substance abuse.  

Although research emphasizes these as factors of a divorce, I believe the main cause is miscommunication and lack of honesty within the relationship. Many believe “ignorance is bliss,” but some things should be known by your partner because one’s present is made up of one’s past.

What Makes A Successful Marriage?

Many claim love, trust, happiness, patience, and a family makes a successful marriage. However, at the end of the day, everyone wants someone that makes them happy, don’t they?  Each relationship has its own issues and problems to work through, which can become frustrating at times. Marriage is as thrilling and exciting as media portrays it: full of love, lust and other magical things. As wonderful as that sounds, it is not realistic. Many people love to day-dream and care about this phenomenon of falling in love and finding “true love.” Marriage is not a scene out of a movie, or a story of best friends falling madly in love; it is a commitment two people, with good communication, and trust, make to spend the rest of their lives together in harmony and oneness.

From the Past to the Present

The history of the role of marriage explains the background to marrying for love. The introduction of Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage, Stephanie Coontz gives the general timeline of marriage from the Stone Age to today. 

In the Stone Age, marriage was instituted in order for men to protect women, which could also be viewed as man exploiting women as their property. In addition, marriage allowed groups to stay together as compared to diversely spread villages or towns. As civilizations became more complex and stratified, elites started hoarding resources and marriage became an economic exchange. This economic period in the 18th century led to marriages in which a wife supplied a dowry in order to suffice wealth in Europe. 

Through this time falling in love existed, but marriage was not about love it was more about match-making, the ability to live with your partner. Although in Western Europe and North American in the 18th century marriage became free choice and marrying for love intertwined into the culture. 

Next century, men became the providers for the family and women became the nurturers. (This ideal has been targeted now in the infamous phrase, “Make me a sandwich.”) Then in the 1950’s an eclectic approach to marriage was established as individuals began to take into account personal life ideals and ideals of love match and lifelong intimacy. Along with these positive ideals and aspirations by couples came dreadful divorces, when dreams were met with imperfections.

 In the 1970’s, couples couldn’t afford fanciful dreams of romantic love and personal fulfillment. Slowly but surely from marriage being a sort of ownership until marrying solely for love in the 21st century, we now expect a “love-based male bread winner marriage with ideals of lifelong monogamy and intimacy.” This romantic, dependent marriage in which the couple separates themselves from society in order to blossom a family and survive causes a challenge within marriages which often leads to divorces.


Coontz, Stephanie. Marriage, A History. New York: Penguin Group, 2005. 1-9. Print.

21st Century Marriage

The history of marriage has evolved from marrying for political, social and economic standpoints to the idea of love. But this "love," has many different attributes that is causing the divorce rate to increase to about 49% in America from back in the day when divorces were highly frowned upon.
Many people are basing love solely off of emotions and physical attraction. For example, I know that by talking to someone you like you start to wonder, "What if..." you think if he's making me this happy now, imagine how it'll be if we spent forever with each other. This thought is repeated in the media daily.
In history around the 15th century, King Henry VIII of England sought a divorce from his wife Catherine of Aragon due to his infatuation with Anne Boleyn, his mistress. This well-known divorce was new to the Church and left a huge mark on marriage, basically spelling out its impurities and temporariness.

Reasons Behind the Ring

Marriage has evolved from marrying for social class to pacifying counties and solidifying alliances to present day marrying for love, which many have distinct definitions. What is love? That is another question. But how has marriage changed so drastically over merely five centuries? 

This article accounts for all shifts and different approaches to marriage. Adultery and friendships were much more passionate than marriages during Enlightenment and Victorian Eras. As we all know in our history books, marriages were arranged and there were strict rules and guidelines which one had to follow. In 1840 England, the dress transformed from a traditional jeweled gown to virginal white. Women were now considered pure and chaste, men got with prostitutes before their wives. 

Although this is extremely rare today in American culture, marriages occur through dating and developing relationships over the years and a bond of love that mends the two together. Fast forwarding to the 21^st century marriages are necessary and the basis of true love which relied primarily upon emotions, which has been leading to many devastating divorces. People mistake feelings of lust and butterflies for love in today’s society and marry for reasons that are seemingly based off emotions.

The Trouble with Love Is...

“I married my best friend.” This is what I hear about love. Although, whoever you choose to marry eventually is somewhat forced to become your best friend. All of the attraction and sex on the planet isn't what makes a marriage because at some point, you just have to sit across the dinner table and have an actual conversation. This saying is one that puzzles many because it is not necessarily true. You are two complete people, regarding whether you’re best friends, who come together to make something entirely new, there are always things to work through, ups and downs because you are individuals and no one is easy to be with. But how do you grow off that secret-telling, best friend, always-together relationship to marriage?

That best friend knows all your secrets which creates tension, although it’s beneficial for being in a relationship, some things are better left unsaid. Hiding things from your significant other can lead to bad situations. This means the whole “ignorance is bliss” and “white lies” concepts can turn into lies, which then catch snowball effect leads to a life consumed of lies and betrayal. But shouldn’t all of your secrets be known if you’re going to marry? This is where being best friends before marriage can help you out. Yet some say, marriage forces people into being best friends, but if it did, people wouldn't get divorced as frequently.

Too often, people mistake that amazing, loving, tingly feelings of butterflies in their stomach for being in love and they don't understand that marriage is hard work. A best friend is there to make you laugh and pick you up when you are down, but there's a reason that romance novels are in the fiction section. Best friends falling in love is in our media, society and constantly repeated in hearsay around us, but it isn’t an excuse to immediately commit to your best friend.

http://www.selfempoweringtips.com/happiness/Is-Happiness-Marrying-Your-Best-Friend.html

Inaugural Post

I am exploring the topic of love, more specifically marrying your best friend. This is important in today’s society because when it comes down to it, we all want to be loved. We want to come home to someone’s face smiling on our arrival and sleep soundly in his or her arms until the next day. But does marrying your best friend help or hurt you? Does it allow your significant other to be more comfortable with knowing all your secrets, or is ignorance truly bliss? Does true love blossom with time or at first sight?